I’m tired of how my life is going. I hate myself half the time, but I don’t think I can do rehab. Every time I’ve had to go without heroin for any length of time, it has been awful. I mean seriously awful. Like I didn’t know that kind of pain and stress existed. If I do rehab, I’m going to have to detox. And that scares the hell out of me. But I also know how weak I am. And the thought of relapsing and then having to go through detox more than once would be a complete nightmare. I mean: why even start? I may have a lot of problems right now, but I can’t think of much worse than how bad detox would be. How do people do it? How do you get the motivation and strength to get through that part?
I will try to say this without sounding careless, because I really do care. But here goes: Of course you hate yourself. You are addicted to heroin. You feel physically trapped by a drug that will make you sick and delusional if you don’t have it regularly. You probably have to lie, cheat or steal to support your habit. When you get high, you have a momentary break from all of the pain, suffering, guilt and shame, only to have it all kick in again in a few hours. What a miserable existence. I’d hate myself too. But recognize that is not WHO YOU ARE, it is what you are going through. You need to go to rehab, now.
When most people think of detoxing from heroin, they panic. So your thoughts and feelings are normal. However, you are lying to yourself. You are telling yourself that detoxing will be so bad that it’s not worth getting off heroin and that’s just plain wrong. It’s the only way out of the trap.
This isn’t 1970, it is 2017. Most legitimate rehabs can help you detox in a way that is safe and comfortable. A proper medically-assisted protocol prescribed by a doctor can step you down in a way that is perfectly manageable. All you need is the desire to do it and hopefully support of compassionate people. Most people who detox from heroin at Elevate tell us that it was their easiest kick ever and they were motivated to get through it because of the support from everyone around them. So please believe me when I tell you that what you have in mind is much, much worse than what you’d actually experience in a decent rehab.
If you really want a hard and brutal kick from heroin, get arrested. In jail, no one cares. You’ll get thrown into a room with a plastic bag to puke in and a hard cot to (not) sleep on. If you’re lucky you will get some over the counter anti-diarrhea pills and some Pepto-Bismol. Other inmates will tell you to shut up if you are making too much noise, while you are sicker than you’ve ever been and feel like you want to die. You won’t die, you’ll just want to at times. The guards don’t care how you feel and their job is to just keep the inmates from beating you up if you piss them off with your puking or diarrhea. You will have no support, no treatment and no one will care how you feel. How does that detox sound?
Opiate addicts almost always have to break the law to support their habit and I fear it’s just a matter of time before you are arrested. Let me save you that horrible experience. Get yourself into rehab right now. If you have family, ask them for help. Regardless of any financial support, if there is someone who can help walk you through the process, it is much easier. Call us at Elevate and we can guide you. If you aren’t a fit for our program, we can help you find something you can qualify for. Don’t keep living the lie, get some help and you’ll start to find yourself again and realize life can be so much better than you imagined if you can get off the heroin.
Elevate Addiction Services President